Peace, brothers and sisters, I’m John Lennon, singer-songwriter and one of Beatles. As The Beatles, Ringo, George, Paul and me made some beautiful music together. We started with teenybopper songs like “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” that drove the girls on “The Ed Sullivan Show” wild. Then we met with a guru in India and we started making weird and trippy songs like Yellow Submarine and Maxwell’s Silver Hammer. After The Beatles broke up I went on to a solo career. I became a social activist for peace with the beautiful, inspiring, love of my life, Yoko Ono. Man, she really is everything to me. Sadly, a disturbed man obsessed with the book “Catcher in the Rye” asked for my autograph, then shot me. But as my amazing wife said after I died, “John loved and prayed for the human race. Please pray the same for him. Peace.
Okay, let’s get this over with!! I used to work for one of those fake news shows called "Inside Edition" where the teleprompter stopped working and I flipped out screaming, “Fuck it, we’ll do it live!” I was right! I’m always right! Now I work for the best, most important news network ever called Fox News as a right wing commentator on my own show, “The O’Reilly Factor.” It’s probably the best show on TV ever. It’s the only place you’ll get THE TRUTH in my No Spin Zone where I put those pinhead liberal media liars in their place! Sure, I’m not perfect. I’ve been sued for sexual harassment by a staff member for talking about Caribbean shower fantasies and a “little brown woman” who I showed my penis to, and yeah, I’m insensitive to other races and religions for sure. I also wrote a gross, erotic thriller called “Those Who Trespass.” But you know who the real problem is? Obama! Is that enough for you stupid, ERB pinheads?