Hey everyone, thanks for checkin’ out my bio. I’m just a kid from Canada who sang Usher songs and put ‘em on Youtube. Then, some old guy introduced me to Usher and now I’m super famous! It’s just that easy! Cool, right? I don’t know why everybody doesn’t do it. My first album was My World 2.0 and it had the hit song “Baby,” where I said the word ‘Baby’ 56 times! People liked it so much that the world got “Bieber Fever.” I won 57 music awards! That’s, like, one per “baby!” I also got mad chicks, probably because of my awesome bowl haircut. For now I’m dating Selena Gomez because I heard she’s a wizard or something. Did you know that I’m so great they even made a movie out of my life? It’s called “Never Say Never,” and you should go watch it right now. I’ll wait, go ahead….Did you watch it? Pretty good, right? Yeah, I’m awesome. It’s a bummer that everyone can’t have an old guy introduce them to Usher, but then everyone would be as incredible as me and that would suck. Oh well, later!
Born in December in freezing cold Germany in 1770, named after my grandfather who himself was a musician, against all odds, I was born for greatness. At 20 I traveled to Vienna to study with Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. We never met. Then my mother died and my father started drinking himself to death. I was forced to return home and care for my two brothers. All the while I continued to play and teach piano, dedicating myself to my art. Soon, I began composing music, symphonies, ballets, concertos! I had many health problems, including abdominal pain, and bipolar disorder. Then, I went deaf. I refused to let any of it stop me! The music is too strong! Without hearing I went on to create some of the most beautiful pieces of music ever known to man, filled with sadness and fiery!! Music that inspired the world!! Unfortunately, I also happen to have the same name as a giant, stupid, slobbering St. Bernard dog in a ridiculous children’s movie. It is infuriating.